I gave report & everything went BLACK.....🖤
I vaguely remember walking to my car and driving home. Scary right? Through the front door and straight to the shower I went. As the warm water hit me, tears just begin to flow. It's like I couldn't stop. I was unable to control my emotions and honestly I didn't know why I was crying. Replaying the shift back in my head, wondering if I did everything I was suppose to do. Was my charting enough? Will my manager be calling me about something I might have missed?
My anxiety steadily increasing at this point. I try so hard to consistently give 200% even on my worst days. I try to be the best nurse, healer and listener possible. The level of stress that is constantly over my head is taking over my body. Attempting to push through almost anything to provide the utmost care to my patient is overwhelming in itself. From family to even strangers in passing, I always hear "Oh you only work 3 days a week? Great pay? You are living the life sis!" What they fail to realize is that money will never be enough to give a person incentive to care for patients with their whole heart. That's a trait you must be blessed with. Meaning your purpose has been revealed to you and you are fullfilling it.
The amount of heart and soul myself and millions of other nurses pour into our patients day and night, is something not even money can buy. Hearing simple words such as "Thank you for all that you do" or "Thank you for being there when no else was” is incentive for me to push through my shift. It's all about making a difference in someone else's life. Giving them the support they need or simply listening when they feel their voice isn't being heard.
Next time you find yourself requiring care from health professionals by hitting the call light and having to wait longer than you feel you should, remember they are human and doing their best. If they are like myself, beating themselves up for bringing an item 10 minutes late, trust me they are more upset with themselves than any patient could ever be. We take our work home with us so often and it keeps us up when trying to sleep. Even though at times it can almost break us, we would't have it any other way. I may come home, cry and release the stressors of the day/night, but I gurantee that big smile will be plastered across my face when I return to work the next time...
Thought I'd share some of my thoughts with you all. This has been on my mind heavily.
Chelsea Kouture The Fabuleux Nurse